Ένα δευτερόλεπτο διαρκεί μόνο μια αιωνιότητα

Ολοι λένε να αναπνεύσεις. Ακόμη και μέσα σε μια ατελείωτη ανεμοθύελλα χάους, σκότους η μαγική λέξη λένε πως είναι η αναπνοή. Η αλήθεια είναι οτι η αναπνοή είναι μία απο τις διαδικασίες που γίνεται αυτόματα απο τον οργανισμό μας. Χωρίς αυτή δεν μπορούμε να επιβιώσουμε και να συνεχίσουμε να ζούμε. Είναι η απολυτότερη απο της διόδους προς τη ζωή. Όμως σήμερα είναι σαν να έχουμε σταματήσει να αναπνέουμε αληθινά και το κάνουμε μόνο απο ανάγκη.
Το χάος έχει πολλά ονόματα. Άγχος, ανακατωσούρα, ταχύτητες άπιαστες κοινωνικές και δυσανάλογες, ανισορροπία, καταστροφικά καιρικά φαινόμενα, πόλεμος...

Ας τα αφήσουμε όμως αυτα για ένα δευτερόλεπτο στην άκρη. Κι ας γίνει αυτό το δευτερόλεπτο μια αιωνιότητα γιατί ως δημιουργήματα του Θεού ίσως να πρέπει να σταματήσουμε να αυτοκαταστρεφόμαστε. Το χάος υπήρχε στην αρχή, αλλα τελικά δε σταμάτησε να υπάρχει. Είναι επιτακτική ανάγκη να μπορέσουμε να συμβιώσουμε με το ίδιο και να εναρμονιστούμε με την ίδια την φύση που περιέχει μέσα της το ίδιο το χάος. Δίοτι χωρίς χάος δε θα υπήρχε η τάξη, η πραότητα, η γαλήνη και η ηρεμία.

Σε μια πολύ απασχολημένη ημέρα λοιπόν αξίζει, θα πρέπει να αξίζει, να σταματήσουμε να τρέχουμε για χρονικό διάστημα μιας αιωνιότητας και να αναπνεύσουμε για ένα δευτερόλεπτο. Έτσι μόνο θα εναρμονιστούμε με το ίδιο το χάος. 

Hands smell of oranges

Hands that smell like oranges. She just had finished cutting salad for her mom and it seemed appropriate to add some fresh cut oranges in it. The smell finally stuck.
Another time she was out eating with friends after she had finished class, that same smell reappeared. And we had our dinner, pretty quickly I can say, and then it was time for desert. But instead of something sweet it was time for an orange. It was so difficult to peal that her whole face was full of juices after she was done. And she ate it slowly and passionately. At that time she said to herself to wash her hands after that. But as usual she forgot. The hands were sticky, yellow and that smell... The smell stuck.
There are certain smells or situations or whatever you want to call it, in which we find ourselves stuck. Enjoy them. For example, the whole time during studying she could smell that beautiful scent of oranges. Fresh and juicy.
Cause it had stuck. 

thoughts

On valentine's day we all hope for that special someone.
We think, and think and believe that someone is out there waiting for us. And we change various moods throughout the day. From mad, to being cute and full of forgiveness by remembering our exes, to sad and vulnerable around other couples. I am sick of this life.
I am starting to wonder why humans have built such big civilisations, huge houses, bridges, cars and all those technological stuff that no one really needs in the end cause one's true purpose is to find that special someone. 

shit happens

There is this tv series created by Lena Dunham called Girls. It describes the life of several girls and it's about every day life. It's about routine struggles that everyone is going through. It explains with simple ways how someone can be psychotic, amazed, high, mad and still go through life and survive pain or anger.
A very specific scene from season two is my favourite, where Hannah is in the bathtub and she is singing 'I said maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me..' that song -wonderwall- from oasis. And at some point Jessa comes in the bathroom and Hannah screams startled, Jessa removes her clothes and gets in the bathtub. Just like that. Two friends. Laughing about their lives in the bathtub.
Realizations and growing up.
Life.
shit happens

There are no answers to all questions

You have the right to be treated right. To be valued and loved. You have the right to be heard and seen. You ought to be respected and hugged honestly. You should be able to be free and make your own choices. You have to be understood and noticed. You're not some ordinary person. To be here, to be like this, to feel that way, all of this is a state of uniqueness. Stop mistreating your own beauty and start demanding honesty, respect and be free to run run run away from idiots, pigs and speechless cowards. Ignore those late night messages that provoke your feelings and tear them apart in 2 seconds. Life is too short to stop at one place and hibernate there forever. 

Move on, learn to face the hard times of your life. Love your body, love your way of moving into space, love the way you talk and look at objects. Love the way you obsess about that tv show you watched that previous summer. Dare to love the imperfections of your true self, that unevenly cut belly button, or the hairs under your armpits. Dare to improve your language and communication skills and dare to speak out loud even when seen, at brought daylight. Be your worst enemy and the loveliest angel all at one unity. Don't be afraid. Fear is weakness running through your vanes. 

And delete all those messages of unfair love and limited affection. Deactivate your brain into thinking only what makes you happy for the moment. Live to create light and not destruction. Jump over all those objects in your way that slow your way and make your life miserable. And only you can name those. Quit making the same mistakes that lead you into the darkest, loneliest city corners.

Face that ex boyfriend of yours, say goodbye to your ex lovers that did you wrong and go find whats right. Accept the affectionate love of the world and give your everything to that old lady on the bus that absolutely needs to sit. Give a piece of you, to that homeless man on that corner of the street by giving him a blanket of yours. Tear apart your brain in order to succeed and pass that difficult test that leads you into freedom. Dear to give without expecting to receive. Speak to your God and He will answer through strange actions. Read those messages that He sends you and accept his life challenges.  Be fearless. Be yourself. Don't rush your way into life. Let some things just be. There are no answers to all questions. 

yours truly, its the deja vu

Every song was written for a reason. That's because someone had to say something to the person next to. Songs express feelings. They can be angry feelings, stoned feelings, love feelings, 'i care about you' feelings and the list goes on an on. It's a way of someone's saying i love you or I miss you. When our communication is poor then, I'll have a list of songs with which i will be trying to say to you I miss you, I am sorry, I was stupid, you were amazing, what we had, we never gave it the right chance.
Those songs of long lost words, I would be sending them to you every single day for a week, a month, a year, until I saw you again. But no. The truth is that he had our chance. Songs were sang while we were together. But that wasn't enough. Words are words. They are not enough if you can't hold what's yours inside your hands, your heart.
That I'm living now is a deja vu. I've already been here two times. Two painful times. Once with a blue eyed boy, once with a drummer. Now, it's the same pain running through my veins and my heart. I gotta say that this sucks. This endless deprivation I keep on having is the worst part of having lost someone. And this year was full of losses. Of all those long lost loves, kisses, I choose to not have to think about you or them again. You are not a part of my life anymore. Life keeps on moving and I have the choice to chase whats mine because I want to. You didn't do that with me then I accept that. But next time you see me, lets say I won't be the same me. I will not be yours.I choose to move on. To move past you. Move into the oblivion of life.
yours truly 

I'll be seeing you...

A love so big, so tender, so huge and open that is always there. It is there for you. You feel it in your heart, in your brain. You feel it when it comes to choosing. Its is not the right choice and you know it. It is not what your parents told you to do. But it was their mistake too. Long time ago they did the same mistake. They fell in love. Little rebels that thought they could catch the wind, they could tame fire and they could fly without any wings. Cause this is love. Not being able to feel your heart from breaking into a million pieces when you're heartbroken. When you can't be with the one your heart chose, but your mind knew it wasn't right.

Love is lack of sleep, or it is too much sleep. It's denial. It's ignoring everyone and everything in the light of day and night. It is like being barefoot when your parents told you to wear your slippers. 

It is so painful when you're feeling it. And when you're not you feel completely empty. Completely lost. It's like you don't know yourself when you're not under the rain with your other half. You're meant to be half. 

A love so big, so tender, so painful, so giving,so open, so warm. Dramatic till the end. Huge till the end. Until you see again that one person again. Until you be together again, or until you choose a different path in life, either way it is going to hurt. It is going to burn real bad. It is going to destroy you and feel you up with those beautiful and priceless emotions. Love can do that. 

A love so big, so tender, so huge and open that is always there. It is there for you.